the required r and r.

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the required r and r.i haven’t had a vacation in a long time…

so i think it’s safe to say that i am going a little bit stir crazy.

actually, a lot of bit.

the last time i went anywhere that could be considered “out of town” was approximately 10 months ago…

and it felt more like running around in a different state than it did relaxing in one.

so i have begun to unhealthily spend my days perusing an infinite portion of sites, pictures and articles that display anything holiday-esque in order to gain some momentary sanity…

because if i don’t take a timeout soon, i might just lose my shit.

i have worked consistently since the age of 15…

from part-time jobs to full-time employment, i have unfailingly managed to have some sort of paid obligation that i needed to show up for every day.

and after 14 years of this steadfast loyalty, i think i am entitled to say, “look, i’m just fucking tired”…

or maybe even, exhausted.

but because of my unwavering work ethic, i actually feel a sense of guilt when i don’t show up to my regular routine…

and i am getting paretty sick of it.

the longest i was ever unemployed for, from that age until now, was a little less than two months…

and i think i hit some sort of slight depression then.

because as much as i can sit here and complain about my tedious day-to-day tasks, i know that i am the type of person who can never not hold a paying position…

my level of independence has become dependent on my paychecks.

but even with that being said, i deserve a goddamn break.

and not anything touristy either…

something that allows me to sleep in and wake up only to spend some more time snoozing under the sun…

on a secluded tropical little beach…

with a cliché umbrella-d cocktail in my hand…

and an obligatory photo opportunity of only my knees and the ocean horizon in the frame.

because as of right now, my daily grind is doing nothing more than grinding my gears…

and i desperately need a lengthy sabbatical before i dangerously snap.

calgon, take me away!

the liar liar pants on fire.

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the liar liar pants on fire.the other day i was driving around with my grandmother and we were talking about things that are neither here nor there when she made a statement that i had heard before, but never taken the time to truly understand its meaning…

she said, “if you say a single lie you will end up making up ten more just to cover that one up.”

i think it is pretty safe to assume that nobody really likes liars…

and unless you are pathological, then most people do not actually enjoy lying either.

but can all lies be equally as damaging?

we have come up with all sorts of words to replace the deceitful act:

  • bluffing
  • dishonesty
  • fibbing
  • untruth

and my personal favorite…

  • little white lies (because size really does matter)

and to be honest, i have made up my own fair share of inaccuracies.

they were mostly fabricated in order to get me out of events i would rather not attend…

or pretending i am hanging out with my friends instead of a boy so that my parents would not ask me a million questions…

or merely making something up because calling in sick to work is easier than saying i just don’t feel like coming in today.

and i’m not going to lie, i am sure there have been other instances, too…

but never something that would truly hurt the other person if they found out…

or at least not intentionally.

but even in knowing that i have participated in some dupery of my own, i still genuinely despise compulsive falsifiers because regardless of the severity, lying is always meant to mislead someone…

which is just a shitty thing to do.

and truthfully, no matter how hard you try, you will somehow get caught up or even worse, simply get caught

so don’t fucking do it.

i mean, there has got to be some truth behind “honesty is the best policy”, right?

let the truth set you free, bitch!

the ex-tracurricular activity.

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the ex-tracurricular activity.social networking sites are my vice.

they are also my not so guilty pleasure and the highlight of my mundane workdays…

but mostly, they are the most amusing and simultaneously annoying things to ever exist.

and i love the shit out of each and every one of them!

which is why i am always connected…

whether it is via app alerts, emails or text messages, i am always available to comment, direct message, like, post or reply.

and although this can become more of a pain than a pleasantry, i have yet to change any of the settings to disable the majority of these notifications…

because i kind of enjoy the constant updates…

on my own terms, of course.

but two nights ago, i think i finally reached my limit!

it was about 10PM and i was getting ready to slowly disconnect myself from all of the internet activity i like to engage in prior to my bedtime…

this basically means checking Facebook, Instagram and Twitter one last time before placing my iPhone on Do Not Disturb.

right as i was about to detach my brain from the “online world”, i received an email from Twitter…

this is nothing new for me because they usually send some sort of ‘we want to stay relevant’ announcement almost daily.

however, i received this email pretty late, which i found to be rather odd…

and when i read the subject line, my face perfectly resembled the unamused emoji that i tend to replicate quite often IRL.

it read, “Do you know ____ _____ on Twitter?”

the name i so thoughtfully blanked out was in fact, an ex-boyfriend.

at first i sort of chuckled and thought, “well Twitter, i thought i knew him too, buuuut…”

and then i became pretty agitated.

i mean it is no secret that, more often than not, our friendships/relationships play an integral role in our constant offering of information to these public forums…

so why can’t the sites that we frequent almost robotically take the time to do their due diligence before spamming out these macabre suggestions?

luckily for me, that email was more comical than it was crippling…

but for those unfortunate souls who have yet to move on or are still plagued by the wretched people from their past, this sort of reminder could be debilitating if not momentarily defeating.

so get your fucking shit together, social media…

your lack of stalking skills is deplorably ironic!

the flossing fiasco.

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the flossing fiasco.a few nights ago before curling up with my blankets and floating away into my subconscious, i had a bit of an “A-HA” moment…

i was getting ready for bed which is quite the process in itself:

–          floss

–          brush teeth

–          wash face

–          exfoliate

–          moisturize

but before i started engaging in my nightly ritual, i called my dad in to the bathroom to kill a monstrous mosquito for me…

(it had really long legs and was about two inches wide, so i am assuming that’s what it was?)

anyway, he went into his usual bit of how you shouldn’t kill this type of insect because they eat other bugs, etc. and i went on to tell him that i don’t care about that because we don’t live in the wilderness…

and also, it was fucking humongous!

(just kidding, PETA!)

right after the deed was done, i began flossing my teeth…

and that is when my father made a truly mind-boggling statement to me as he was leaving:

he said, “you’re doing it wrong.”

(wait, WHAT?!)

of course at first i thought he was joking.

i mean, i obviously know that nobody actually enjoys flossing their teeth unless they have just finished delving into a juicy steak and floss is their only savior…

and really, we just want to get it over with.

but how could there possibly be an incorrect way of doing it?

mind you, I AM 29 YEARS OLD!

[twenty. nine.]

after i shook off the perplexed look on my face and tried really hard to tell him that he was wrong, [because i was having a really difficult time wrapping my head around his statement], i took a brief minute to regroup and reflect…

we are always told that we never stop learning…

and while i wholeheartedly believe this to be true, i would have never thought that there would be a moment when what i grew up thinking was absolutely accurate and something that i had become so accustomed to doing a certain way, would actually throw me for a massive loop many years later and preemptively force me to change.

but that is kind of the beauty in growing, right?

we are gifted with this incredible ability to relearn and adapt, and essentially to revise and accept even the toughest truths…

so we would be greatly mistaken to assume or believe that we have nothing left to learn or teach no matter how many times we have habitually done something.

stay educated…

stay hungry.

the soul mate spectacle.

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the soul mate spectacle.i believe in one soul mate…

i don’t believe that there are multiple people out there for every individual person.

because that’s what a soul mate is:

a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament…

a person whom you share one soul with.

i do think that maybe sometimes you end up with the wrong person for a substantially lengthy amount of time…

and the reason why you feel like that person is “the one” is because you have been together for so long.

but what if you’re not meant to be?

it’s no secret that i think a lot about my future…

who my husband will be and how many children we will have and where we will live and when we will make our first big decision together and what our careers will be and why can’t i just have all of these questions answered right now?!

however, not once during these thoughts do i imagine myself unhappy.

because building that relationship that leads to a marriage and then creating from that union, that to me is the epitome of contentment.

and i feel as though the older one gets, those thoughts start to become more prominent and take up more space in the forefront of the brain…

but as i always tend to do, i question…

and everything that i once thought just seems to be getting more and more scrambled and convoluted.

i mean, no matter how many guys i have prematurely allowed myself to “fall in love” with, i have only ever felt impending wedded bliss with just two men in my life…

you know, that feeling that i cannot physically live without this person and that forever would still not be enough time with him?

but one of them turned out to be gay, so really what the fuck do i know anyway, right?

so maybe a soul mate is not someone who needs to have exactly the same interests as me, but he will also not make mine seem less important than his…

maybe it is someone who dislikes the same things as i do, and that right there could be our similarity.

but no matter what my soul mate and i have in common or don’t, he just needs to be someone who gets me…

so even though he’s got me, does he really get me?

the last year of my twenties.

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the last year of my twenties.my twenty-ninth birthday is in exactly eleven days, so i kind of feel like being a bitch…

which to be completely honest is nothing new.

and as long as i am being truthful, twenty-nine is a really fucking ugly number…

so sorry to all of you little muffins whose lucky number is 29.

it’s a dumb number…

therefore, you’re all dumb.

i’m not saying that being born on freakin’ Tax Day has been such a joyous blessing, seeing as how all of the irresponsible slow-pokes stress out over the impending loom of April 15th

but since it means that most of you (or your parents or maybe even someone in your family) possibly aided in the public funds the hospital used for my birth, then i think that makes me pretty damn special.

but since i am shuddering at the thought of this being the last year of my twenties, i just feel like i can spend the next twelve months being a complete brat-slash-nuisance because i can never again blame my bullshit outbursts on my “awesome adolescence” or “yummy youth”.

and i don’t give a fuck what any of you say:

30 is not the new 20.

30 is not your prime.

30 is not still young.

being 30 is hoity-toity old, so kindly kiss my ass.

anyway, i’m not thirty yet, so let’s all take a chill pill and regroup…

(also, if you are in your thirties, JK about the last five sentences!)

here’s the thing…

we have been programmed at an early age to believe that at this point in our lives we need to have everything figured out…

or at least most things.

anywhere from the age of twenty-seven and up is probably the most crucial time for us to hunker down, saddle up and get our fucking shit together…

and although i realize that every generation is different, and that my group of Generation Y dick-holes have been progressing later and later than say the Baby Boomers, i can’t help but feel as if i am falling behind even if i am right on my pre-destined track.

with that being said, this time last year, i decided to make a public birthday wish on my blog:

i wished to somehow get noticed for my writing and to maybe become published somewhere well-known…

and literally five days later, i appeared on the front page of the Huffington Post – Los Angeles with my article, “The Disbelief in Our Beliefs”.

but since this year i don’t want to push my ‘Birthday Girl Lucky Streak’, i have decided to keep my fingers/toes crossed and my mouth sealed shut as i blow out my hopefully glittery-neon candle with one of the most profoundly important wishes of my young-adulthood…

i’ll let you know how it turns out in about a year.

cakecakecakecake,

can’twaittoblowmycandlesout!

the spring in my step.

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the spring in my step.if you have been unable to tell up until this point, primarily from my 11-letter first name which means “A Grain of Sugar”, i am Persian (like the cat – meow)…

and although i am not necessarily religious, i take great pride in being a halfsie (half Muslim/half Zoroastrian).

with that being said, my favorite holiday in all of my immortal being (and really the only one that my entire family celebrates) is Persian New Year.

most commonly known as Nowrūz which translates to New Day, our New Year is observed on the first day of spring, seeing as how the beginning of the Persian Calendar falls on the Northward equinox between March 19th and 21st.

honestly, all that means to me is a chance to start over again, approximately two and a half months after the universally distinguished kickoff of the Civil Year on January 1st

and in my opinion, i think that makes me pretty fortunate.

as is customary with the commencement of a new year, i make a mental/verbal/written list of all of my hope-to-stick-to ‘Resolutions’ sometime in January, (which i conveniently made into a “To Do List” and shared with the avid readers of my blog on January 24th of this year)…

and since i have yet to keep up with any of them (as is also habitual, i suppose), i genuinely feel like PNY is my second chance in as many months to unquestionably lock down and make them happen.

therefore i would just like to take a moment to not only wish my fellow Persians and also my Non-Persians alike, a superbly Happy and Healthy 1392…

but to additionally pose a friendly reminder to vivify whatever promises you made to yourself in order to begin anew.

may the fire you built on Chahārshanbe-Sūri take your sickness, problems and paleness away, and in turn provide you and your loved ones with warmth, euphoria and energy…

SALEH NOU MOBARAK!

the daylight saving crime.

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the daylight saving crime.i feel like Daylight Saving Time is actually ruining my life.

i spent an unusually lengthy moment dwelling on this topic this past Sunday as i was once again changing the clock in my car and watching an hour of my existence devastatingly vanish before my eyes.

i would say it was a couple of hours, but really after the time changed i have no idea how many minutes were truly expended…

and that right there was the be-all and end-all for me.

for those charming little states that are unaffected by this torturous practice, (i am looking at you Arizona and Hawaii), let me quickly explain what “DST” is:

IT. IS. HORRIBLE!

we lose an hour near the beginning of spring, and then gain it back during autumn.

but usually this seems to occur at the exact moment when my sleep cycle has finally adjusted to the change…

and since resting is probably my favorite hobby in life, i tend to become alarmingly more irritable during its first appearance in the year.

moreover, it has rendered me to inquire about a number of things that i feel are kind of “time-sensitive”, if you will:

1. How is this affecting my birth control?

2. Why doesn’t anybody care about my slumber patterns?

3. Where does that hour really go though?

4. When will this madness end?

5. What were to happen if i flew into Hawaii right as the clocks were changing?

and maybe the most important question of all…

6. Who is the annoying little bastard who thought it would be cute to start saying “Spring Forward” and “Fall Back”?!

everything is just bullshit…

i need a fucking nap.

the ticking time brain.

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the ticking time brain.over-thinking will be the death of me…

i find myself constantly battling a barrage of thoughts that no matter how much i try to dodge, they somehow find a way of sneaking their annoying pint-sized asses right back into my revolving door of a brain.

of course they vary from time to time between insignificant things to more imperative ones…

but nonetheless, they are always there and i cannot seem to escape them.

just the other night i woke up at 4 AM and i literally could not stop myself from mentally writing out this post…

and it trailed along and tormented me for a full three hours until i gave up and decided to get out of bed and begin my day a little earlier.

and that is just a fucking nuisance.

i realize that i am not alone in this analysis paralysis

there are copious amounts of people posting cute little images or adorable little sayings that deal exclusively with this mind-shattering epidemic.

it could be the biggest disease of the psyche, after all.

and as shitty luck would have it, that too has got me thinking…

if we are all so concerned about not falling into the trap of our subconscious, then how come there does not appear to be many solutions for us to learn to overcome it?

or even maybe to simply acquire a way to decrease its presence?

certainly we can tap into our spiritual beings and “Namaste” and “Om” ourselves into oblivion…

but honestly, who has that kind of time to step away in the middle of their frenetic day to concentrate on meditating?

i mean, if that’s the case, i would much rather invest in a neutralizer from Men In Black!

but alas, i am now over-thinking about over-thinking

this cycle is vicious.

the hopeless romantic.

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the hopeless romantic.tomorrow marks one of the most anticipated and simultaneously dissipating days in the calendar…

and depending on your current relationship status, the next 24 hours could likely vary between being a blessed or depressed time for you.

oh, the 14th of February…

the decorously dubbed “Hallmark Holiday” that is most commonly celebrated with an abundance of cards, calla lilies, confectionaries and eventually being cleaned out from excessive spending.

ahhhh yessss…

Valentine’s Day!

[i would just like to take a brief moment to clarify, as so many aficionados have done so before, that i too do not believe in choosing a single day to glorify love; that is something that should constantly be addressed and recognized…

but since it is thrown in our faces almost immediately after we ring in the New Year, then i am all for celebrating the occasion, notwithstanding of whether or not i am single or in a relationship.]

anyway, i love love!

i think it is the most amazingly beautiful and absolutely heart wrenching emotion that we can ever truly convey…

and although i am sure that most people’s definitions of ‘love is, “a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person” followed by a “sexual passion or desire”, i think it has many different descriptions, that of which i have adorably listed below.

so here is what i think “Love Is”…

❤ love is… bringing me water even if we are the same distance away from the fridge

❤ love is… going to the bathroom to fart because i think it is rude not to

❤ love is… insisting on telling me that you love me more when i am fervently looking for words to surpass infinity in the dictionary

❤ love is… kissing me on my forehead when i am wearing lipstick

❤ love is… letting me wear the same clothes for three days in a row and not telling me to change

❤ love is… moving my car for me when i am parked behind somebody trying to leave

❤ love is… pretending not to notice when i sing the wrong lyrics because i look so happy doing it

❤ love is… reeling me back in when i am spiraling out of control

❤ love is… sticking your finger under my nose at night while i am sleeping to make sure i am still breathing

❤ love is… telling me how pretty i am when i look like a man

❤ love is… what you make it because love is indefinable

but regardless of all of that, if your special someone gives you something the day before or the day after the 14th, they are either cheap or cheating!

x’s&o’s.