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the last year of my twenties.my twenty-ninth birthday is in exactly eleven days, so i kind of feel like being a bitch…

which to be completely honest is nothing new.

and as long as i am being truthful, twenty-nine is a really fucking ugly number…

so sorry to all of you little muffins whose lucky number is 29.

it’s a dumb number…

therefore, you’re all dumb.

i’m not saying that being born on freakin’ Tax Day has been such a joyous blessing, seeing as how all of the irresponsible slow-pokes stress out over the impending loom of April 15th

but since it means that most of you (or your parents or maybe even someone in your family) possibly aided in the public funds the hospital used for my birth, then i think that makes me pretty damn special.

but since i am shuddering at the thought of this being the last year of my twenties, i just feel like i can spend the next twelve months being a complete brat-slash-nuisance because i can never again blame my bullshit outbursts on my “awesome adolescence” or “yummy youth”.

and i don’t give a fuck what any of you say:

30 is not the new 20.

30 is not your prime.

30 is not still young.

being 30 is hoity-toity old, so kindly kiss my ass.

anyway, i’m not thirty yet, so let’s all take a chill pill and regroup…

(also, if you are in your thirties, JK about the last five sentences!)

here’s the thing…

we have been programmed at an early age to believe that at this point in our lives we need to have everything figured out…

or at least most things.

anywhere from the age of twenty-seven and up is probably the most crucial time for us to hunker down, saddle up and get our fucking shit together…

and although i realize that every generation is different, and that my group of Generation Y dick-holes have been progressing later and later than say the Baby Boomers, i can’t help but feel as if i am falling behind even if i am right on my pre-destined track.

with that being said, this time last year, i decided to make a public birthday wish on my blog:

i wished to somehow get noticed for my writing and to maybe become published somewhere well-known…

and literally five days later, i appeared on the front page of the Huffington Post – Los Angeles with my article, “The Disbelief in Our Beliefs”.

but since this year i don’t want to push my ‘Birthday Girl Lucky Streak’, i have decided to keep my fingers/toes crossed and my mouth sealed shut as i blow out my hopefully glittery-neon candle with one of the most profoundly important wishes of my young-adulthood…

i’ll let you know how it turns out in about a year.