• about shekardaneh

shekardaneh

~ uncensored.

shekardaneh

Monthly Archives: November 2012

the childish chatter.

28 Wednesday Nov 2012

Posted by shekardaneh in enlightening evaluations

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

adulthood, censor, chatter, childish, conversations, kids, mature, older, puberty, youngster

i can usually adapt well in any given element.

it is a quality that i find to be acutely essential, if not exorbitantly valuable…

especially as we begin to mature and are placed in more situations that necessitate those sorts of personality readjustments.

accordingly, as i continue my journey towards adulthood, i find myself being surrounded by more and more children…

you know, since getting pregnant is like a “thing” when you are older?

regardless, i honestly do not know how to talk to adolescents past the goo goo gah gah infancy stage…

and oh my god, do not even think about talking to me during puberty!

i am just a cluster fuck of wrongfulness.

so as luck would have it, i was given an opportunity to test out my incredible “diarrhea of the mouth” with my friends’ 11 year old daughter…

and what commenced was quite a series of entertaining (see also: stressful) conversations, in which i felt as though i was jumping rope with my own tongue.

i showed up to work on a Saturday morning after having spent the previous evening debauched during Oktoberfest…

my only savior was a huge jug of water and plenty of greasy calories provided by the McDonald’s breakfast menu.

i had just finished inhaling my meal when my coworker showed up with her descendant…

and i had the nerve to try to engage in an adult conversation in the presence of a youngster.

typically, i can hold my own and be somewhat methodical…

but when i am teetering between two to three hours of sleep, have this incredibly delightful hangover, and have to censor my confabulation, then everything is just shit.

so i began describing my night to my workmate, remembering to replace the term ‘beer’ with “water” and mouthing particular events that i deemed inappropriate when her daughter would turn around…

but to my surprise, her mother told me that her child was aware of what alcohol is and for some reason i took that to mean that i can cuss freely, hold a semi-serious conversation with this little girl about the then upcoming Presidential Election, and ask her if she is in love with any of the boys at her school.

it was only after i called her non-teenage offspring a “Republican” in a haste of fury that i realized that maybe i do not actually know how to converse with most youth, and that i was in fact the only juvenile present.

with that being said, “Hide Yo’ Kids”, because i obviously have no fucking filter…

Share Me:

  • Email
  • Tweet

Like this:

Like Loading...

the jive turkey.

21 Wednesday Nov 2012

Posted by shekardaneh in miscellaneous matters

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

domain, jive, myself, name, note, thankful, tradition, tryptophan, turkey, unique

last year, only mere moments after indulging in gratuitous amounts of turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, dinner rolls and a thick slice of pumpkin pie cloaked under a mountain of whipped cream, i laid in my bed and rightly began to contemplate all of the things that i was thankful for in 2011…

i pulled out my iPhone, opened a new “note” on my personal Facebook page and proceeded to jot down this seemingly generic list of appreciation right before the tryptophan kicked in and sent me to a waistband-expanded, dream-like state.

coincidentally, it was also the last “note” i ever posted onto my Facebook, seeing as how shekardaneh.com was developed just two months later…

needless to say, i decided that in keeping up with this tradition that i created for myself, i would maybe change it up a bit this year and express my gratitude for some of the less obvious people, places and things that are present in my life…

and don’t worry; if you made it onto my manifesto last year, i haven’t quit you cold turkey just yet.

so without further ado, here are my 2012 thankfulities!

i am thankful for…

  • making up my own words (see, thankfulities)
  • foggy windows
  • personalized anything
  • chewing gum
  • the venti option at Starbucks
  • iBooks
  • sneezing and “bless you’s”
  • the lingering of delicious cologne/perfume as someone walks past you
  • floss
  • Hello Kitty Chia Pet
  • hips that don’t lie
  • junk emails
  • Susan fucking Miller
  • wet wipes
  • treble and bass clefs
  • *69
  • being referred to as “trouble”
  • Target
  • Hulu Plus and Netflix
  • my nail lady
  • napkins (cuz i just spilled coffee all over myself)
  • cheesy french fries
  • warm breath
  • creative freedom
  • eating Honey Bunches of Oats at any time of the day
  • wish lists
  • receiving invitations the old fashioned way
  • Obama
  • full voicemails
  • laser hair removal
  • hot yoga
  • Dr. Steve Brule
  • people who actually read my ramblings
  • pulling out wedgies
  • unicorns
  • smooth skin
  • saving room for dessert
  • the month of April
  • matching bras and panties
  • sidewalk chalk and bubbles
  • iMessage (when it actually works)
  • being lactose tolerant
  • autocorrect never being even close
  • knowing exactly when to expect my period
  • Shazam-ing a song during a movie
  • staycations
  • courtesy flushes
  • dandelions
  • weird news
  • myself

but mostly, i am thankful for my unique name…

because if it were any typical moniker, i would have one hell of a time securing a domain!

happy thanksgiving, my little pecan pies…

hopefully your turkey isn’t as dry as your personality!

Share Me:

  • Email
  • Tweet

Like this:

Like Loading...

Present

  • the natural disaster.
  • the zitty zituation.
  • the belated blastoff.
  • the comeback kid.
  • the bawler on a budget.

Past

  • March 2015 (2)
  • January 2015 (2)
  • May 2014 (2)
  • February 2014 (2)
  • January 2014 (2)
  • December 2013 (2)
  • November 2013 (2)
  • September 2013 (2)
  • August 2013 (2)
  • July 2013 (2)
  • June 2013 (2)
  • May 2013 (2)
  • April 2013 (2)
  • March 2013 (2)
  • February 2013 (2)
  • January 2013 (2)
  • December 2012 (2)
  • November 2012 (2)
  • September 2012 (2)
  • August 2012 (2)
  • July 2012 (2)
  • June 2012 (2)
  • May 2012 (2)
  • April 2012 (2)
  • March 2012 (2)
  • February 2012 (2)
  • January 2012 (5)

Categories

  • dramatic diatribes (16)
  • enlightening evaluations (13)
  • humorous happenings (1)
  • miscellaneous matters (21)
  • relationship revelations (6)

Facebook

Facebook

RSS

RSS Feed RSS - Posts

Twitter

  • Just posted a photo @ Saddlerock Ranch, Malibu instagram.com/p/CQprhvcrXSG/…Tweeted 1 year ago
  • Just posted a photo instagram.com/p/CO_3UywLa3K/…Tweeted 1 year ago
  • Just posted a photo instagram.com/p/COq21RFrq-C/…Tweeted 1 year ago
  • Just posted a photo @ Las Vegas, Nevada instagram.com/p/COYvjf5rl_x/…Tweeted 1 year ago
  • Just posted a photo instagram.com/p/COE345rrQC3/…Tweeted 1 year ago
Follow @shekardaneh

enter your email address to follow shekardaneh and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,439 other subscribers

Blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • shekardaneh
    • Join 53 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • shekardaneh
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...
 

    %d bloggers like this: