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Monthly Archives: August 2012

the old age adage.

31 Friday Aug 2012

Posted by shekardaneh in miscellaneous matters

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adage, age, conceal, existence, feathers, geriatrics, maturity, mid-life, old, outfits

recently, i have been dwelling a lot over “age”.

you know, our period of animate existence…

this isn’t because i myself am slowly but surely creeping up towards the end of my terrific/terrifying twenties and loosely high-fiving my dirty thirties…

but it is mostly on the grounds that i have been noticing less and less people actually accepting their maturity, and incontestably hiding from it.

at my current 28 years of subsistence, i have managed to still look almost identical to how i was when i resided in my teenage years (knock on wood)…

well, minus a few pounds (abundance) here and there.

actually, come to think of it, if you were to look at pictures of me in my infancy, i creepily have only grown taller (slightly)…

so i guess in a way this has been the reason why i allow myself to wear certain outfits that would perhaps place me in the “mid-20’s” category…

but nothing age inappropriate, of course.

so how is it that gobs of women, generously older than me, have granted themselves permission to dress like adolescent hoe-bags?

i noticed this heinous epidemic first-hand once again, just last week…

i was at a bar with a couple of besties/coworkers and while we were enjoying our third-ish drink, a woman walked in whom (from the back) could have easily passed for someone in their 30’s.

super tight skinny jeans (no ass), skimpy (mid-riff baring) wife beater and platform sandals (crusty toes)…

and then she made the awful mistake of turning around and exposing us to her face…

her wrinkled, saggy neck containing, face.

this, mind you, was not even the worst of it…

this woman, who was clearly well into her 60’s, had the audacity to sport FEATHERS IN HER HAIR!

now i have never really caught on to this dead-bird-in-your-hair trend, but it might mayyyybe be cute if you’re a youngster who is simply trying to follow in the foot-steps of their favorite teeny-bopper…

but when you’re fucking anywhere near, or in this case, past your mid-life, then you have a lot of nerve to even think that that’s okay!

this is concerning.

i was alarmingly worried for her…

like, what happens when she goes home (alone), removes that embarrassing façade, and has to come to terms with the fact that she’s actually 40+ years older than she was attempting to present herself as?

and to make matters even more awful, as she was shamelessly flirting with a semi-younger fellow, her entourage of geriatrics showed up…

unlike her, her Betty White-esque cohorts actually dressed their age, which only added to my mortification for her.

i get it…

getting older is not something that normal people have an easy time welcoming.

which is fine.

but trying to conceal the inevitable by dressing ridiculously should not be a solution either…

get your shit together, ladies!

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the codependent couple.

24 Friday Aug 2012

Posted by shekardaneh in relationship revelations

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codependent, couple, Facebook, hiding, individuality, networking, profiles, separation, share, social

i spend an extraordinary amount of time scavenging through the multitude of social networking sites that i have quite voluntarily signed myself up to…

and luckily, i can breezily access each and every one of them simultaneously, courtesy of my handy iPhone.

i say “handy” because it is literally attached to my hand at any known moment in any given situation.

and this could not be more of a nuisance to whoever has chosen to spend some quality time with me…

and my cell-phone.

but, as i am apt to do so often, i digress.

back to the topic at hand…

social networking sites!

during my thorough research (see: stalking), i have come to a rather disturbing realization…

one that makes zero to zilch sense to me:

couples who share Facebook profiles with one another!

let’s take a moment to truly analyze this unbecoming trend…

you’re in a relationship.

you decide to make it public.

but in lieu of doing something slightly normal such as updating your relationship status to hmmmm, i don’t know, “IN A RELATIONSHIP”, or maybe even just changing your default picture to something adorable/nauseating, you choose to become a full-fledged psycho and SHARE A PROFILE INSTEAD?!

i strongly oppose hiding things from your significant other, because if you have something to conceal, you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship to begin with…

but i give credence to the verity that some privacy is essential in any aspect of your life.

and if you genuinely do not respect your entitled level of privateness, then what about maintaining your sense of individuality?

the distinct characteristics that set you apart from the person you so willingly have become attached at the groin to…

the one that you have collectively sat down with and chosen a password that will undoubtedly be almost as moronic as sharing a page in the first place…

your siamese fucking twin with whom you might as well start sharing a toothbrush and underwear with, because well, why the hell not at this point, right?

it’s not only weird, but it’s pretty pathetic…

with that being said, it may be high time to consider therapy for your abhorrent separation anxiety, crazies.

GOOD LUCK!

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