Category Archives: enlightening evaluations

the matter of fact.

28 Friday Feb 2014

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the matter of fact.things matter.

they really do…

it matters when someone is nice to you…

or when someone is mean to you…

when someone flashes you an unexpected smile…

or when someone just decides to be a fucking dick for no reason.

because if things didn’t matter, and we constantly felt indifferent, then we would be nothing…

we would have nothing.

feelings would not exist and happiness and sadness would be scarce, if at all present…

days would mesh into nights and sunrises and sunsets would become dreary and humdrum.

and that just fucking sucks.

so realize what you do…

understand that the energy you put out there and the aura that surrounds you…

that it isn’t just your own “personal” thing.

this world does not only consist of you…

the people all around you, whether you know them on any real level or not, they can sense that shit, too.

negativity is defeating.

it brings down anyone in your vicinity…

it fucking engulfs you.

positivity is overbearing.

it lifts you up and gives you an unbelievable high.

it is absolutely magnetic.

but both of these things become exhausting.

so find that balance…

be the in-between!

let sadness come and wash over you.

let happiness in with every breath and then let it go.

everything in moderation…

and moderation in moderation, too.

find that comfort zone…

stress the fuck out.

just do shit…

any-fucking-thing and subsequently, nothing-at-all.

because everything is magical…

and everything is insignificant…

and we should be responsible for our own actions, regardless of the outcome.

so let’s take some ownership…

we owe it to ourselves.

 

the liar liar pants on fire.

19 Wednesday Jun 2013

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the liar liar pants on fire.the other day i was driving around with my grandmother and we were talking about things that are neither here nor there when she made a statement that i had heard before, but never taken the time to truly understand its meaning…

she said, “if you say a single lie you will end up making up ten more just to cover that one up.”

i think it is pretty safe to assume that nobody really likes liars…

and unless you are pathological, then most people do not actually enjoy lying either.

but can all lies be equally as damaging?

we have come up with all sorts of words to replace the deceitful act:

  • bluffing
  • dishonesty
  • fibbing
  • untruth

and my personal favorite…

  • little white lies (because size really does matter)

and to be honest, i have made up my own fair share of inaccuracies.

they were mostly fabricated in order to get me out of events i would rather not attend…

or pretending i am hanging out with my friends instead of a boy so that my parents would not ask me a million questions…

or merely making something up because calling in sick to work is easier than saying i just don’t feel like coming in today.

and i’m not going to lie, i am sure there have been other instances, too…

but never something that would truly hurt the other person if they found out…

or at least not intentionally.

but even in knowing that i have participated in some dupery of my own, i still genuinely despise compulsive falsifiers because regardless of the severity, lying is always meant to mislead someone…

which is just a shitty thing to do.

and truthfully, no matter how hard you try, you will somehow get caught up or even worse, simply get caught…

so don’t fucking do it.

i mean, there has got to be some truth behind “honesty is the best policy”, right?

let the truth set you free, bitch!

the flossing fiasco.

23 Thursday May 2013

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the flossing fiasco.a few nights ago before curling up with my blankets and floating away into my subconscious, i had a bit of an “A-HA” moment…

i was getting ready for bed which is quite the process in itself:

–          floss

–          brush teeth

–          wash face

–          exfoliate

–          moisturize

but before i started engaging in my nightly ritual, i called my dad in to the bathroom to kill a monstrous mosquito for me…

(it had really long legs and was about two inches wide, so i am assuming that’s what it was?)

anyway, he went into his usual bit of how you shouldn’t kill this type of insect because they eat other bugs, etc. and i went on to tell him that i don’t care about that because we don’t live in the wilderness…

and also, it was fucking humongous!

(just kidding, PETA!)

right after the deed was done, i began flossing my teeth…

and that is when my father made a truly mind-boggling statement to me as he was leaving:

he said, “you’re doing it wrong.”

(wait, WHAT?!)

of course at first i thought he was joking.

i mean, i obviously know that nobody actually enjoys flossing their teeth unless they have just finished delving into a juicy steak and floss is their only savior…

and really, we just want to get it over with.

but how could there possibly be an incorrect way of doing it?

mind you, I AM 29 YEARS OLD!

[twenty. nine.]

after i shook off the perplexed look on my face and tried really hard to tell him that he was wrong, [because i was having a really difficult time wrapping my head around his statement], i took a brief minute to regroup and reflect…

we are always told that we never stop learning…

and while i wholeheartedly believe this to be true, i would have never thought that there would be a moment when what i grew up thinking was absolutely accurate and something that i had become so accustomed to doing a certain way, would actually throw me for a massive loop many years later and preemptively force me to change.

but that is kind of the beauty in growing, right?

we are gifted with this incredible ability to relearn and adapt, and essentially to revise and accept even the toughest truths…

so we would be greatly mistaken to assume or believe that we have nothing left to learn or teach no matter how many times we have habitually done something.

stay educated…

stay hungry.

the soul mate spectacle.

23 Tuesday Apr 2013

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the soul mate spectacle.i believe in one soul mate…

i don’t believe that there are multiple people out there for every individual person.

because that’s what a soul mate is:

a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament…

a person whom you share one soul with.

i do think that maybe sometimes you end up with the wrong person for a substantially lengthy amount of time…

and the reason why you feel like that person is “the one” is because you have been together for so long.

but what if you’re not meant to be?

it’s no secret that i think a lot about my future…

who my husband will be and how many children we will have and where we will live and when we will make our first big decision together and what our careers will be and why can’t i just have all of these questions answered right now?!

however, not once during these thoughts do i imagine myself unhappy.

because building that relationship that leads to a marriage and then creating from that union, that to me is the epitome of contentment.

and i feel as though the older one gets, those thoughts start to become more prominent and take up more space in the forefront of the brain…

but as i always tend to do, i question…

and everything that i once thought just seems to be getting more and more scrambled and convoluted.

i mean, no matter how many guys i have prematurely allowed myself to “fall in love” with, i have only ever felt impending wedded bliss with just two men in my life…

you know, that feeling that i cannot physically live without this person and that forever would still not be enough time with him?

but one of them turned out to be gay, so really what the fuck do i know anyway, right?

so maybe a soul mate is not someone who needs to have exactly the same interests as me, but he will also not make mine seem less important than his…

maybe it is someone who dislikes the same things as i do, and that right there could be our similarity.

but no matter what my soul mate and i have in common or don’t, he just needs to be someone who gets me…

so even though he’s got me, does he really get me?

the harmful hurter.

31 Thursday Jan 2013

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the harmful hurter.

the other day i became alarmingly aware of something that i have allegedly and unconsciously been doing, which has set my mind in a whirlwind of perpetual motion ever since…

i was having a wonderful morning, engaging in a comical exchange of text messages and genuinely just enjoying the effortlessness of humor that was being presented to me and thus, filling my heart with euphoria…

not even a horrible fact like my being at work was able to dwindle my happiness…

and that was joyous in itself.

however, as the day progressed as it always does, i found myself slowly but surely letting go of the elation and giving into the agitation…

and as usual, it was rather unrequired.

after being engulfed under a pile of last-minute deadlines and finding no reasonable resolution to the myriad of stress i was feeling, i wrongfully began to heap every other seemingly annoying situation together with it…

because i thought, since everything else was just shit at that moment then why shouldn’t i simply keep adding more to it until i become a cluster fuck of crazy?

i mean, it seemed appropriate enough at the time…

so in that instant, i also began an unnecessary argument with someone i care insanely about and it quickly amassed to something uncontrollable…

and unbeknownst to me, i had caught the other party so off-guard that i had not only confused the fuck out of them, but i had also managed to inflict a ton of unintentional hurt.

and the worst part of it all was that i was not even conscious of what i had just done!

i was caught so far up my own ass and my feelings and how everything was affecting me that i was too blind to notice just how much i had muddled up the other persons spirits.

honestly, i literally could not understand why the other party was acting so strangely and why they seemed so upset when i was absolutely positive that i was the one who was dejected…

but what i failed to recognize was that i was once again playing the unwarranted victim and everyone else’s reaction to how badly i was treating them was unjustifiable.

and that realization scares the fuck out of me.

how could someone like me, a girl who is typically so in tune with herself and so expressive with her emotions, fail to identify when somebody else was conveying theirs?

just how fucking self-absorbed and out of touch am i?!

most often our moods are likely to be malleable, depending on whom we are with and the situations we are placed in…

one minute we may be as high as a hot air balloon, and then the next, down in the proverbial dumps.

and unfortunately for someone like me, there appears to be very little middle ground…

but at least i am learning to acknowledge it in order to improve myself…

and i believe the key to being successful in that respect is to align myself with things that foster positivity.

an enlightened individual once told me, “don’t ride the highs too high and the lows too low.”

so here is to finding the betwixt and between…

the childish chatter.

28 Wednesday Nov 2012

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i can usually adapt well in any given element.

it is a quality that i find to be acutely essential, if not exorbitantly valuable…

especially as we begin to mature and are placed in more situations that necessitate those sorts of personality readjustments.

accordingly, as i continue my journey towards adulthood, i find myself being surrounded by more and more children…

you know, since getting pregnant is like a “thing” when you are older?

regardless, i honestly do not know how to talk to adolescents past the goo goo gah gah infancy stage…

and oh my god, do not even think about talking to me during puberty!

i am just a cluster fuck of wrongfulness.

so as luck would have it, i was given an opportunity to test out my incredible “diarrhea of the mouth” with my friends’ 11 year old daughter…

and what commenced was quite a series of entertaining (see also: stressful) conversations, in which i felt as though i was jumping rope with my own tongue.

i showed up to work on a Saturday morning after having spent the previous evening debauched during Oktoberfest…

my only savior was a huge jug of water and plenty of greasy calories provided by the McDonald’s breakfast menu.

i had just finished inhaling my meal when my coworker showed up with her descendant…

and i had the nerve to try to engage in an adult conversation in the presence of a youngster.

typically, i can hold my own and be somewhat methodical…

but when i am teetering between two to three hours of sleep, have this incredibly delightful hangover, and have to censor my confabulation, then everything is just shit.

so i began describing my night to my workmate, remembering to replace the term ‘beer’ with “water” and mouthing particular events that i deemed inappropriate when her daughter would turn around…

but to my surprise, her mother told me that her child was aware of what alcohol is and for some reason i took that to mean that i can cuss freely, hold a semi-serious conversation with this little girl about the then upcoming Presidential Election, and ask her if she is in love with any of the boys at her school.

it was only after i called her non-teenage offspring a “Republican” in a haste of fury that i realized that maybe i do not actually know how to converse with most youth, and that i was in fact the only juvenile present.

with that being said, “Hide Yo’ Kids”, because i obviously have no fucking filter…

the absent amore.

06 Wednesday Jun 2012

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i don’t habitually miss people…

it’s not something that i do on purpose, but it just doesn’t seem to be a piece of the dominant emotions located within my limbic system.

this is why i have a ponderous time believing that absence factually makes the heart grow fonder…

because it seems to fully contradict the whole “out of sight, out of mind” phrase that we have all grown to regurgitate after every single break up that we endure.

so does the lack of something really increase your craving for it?

or does that distance simply make you care less?

i have had my fair share of “liaisons”…

and unfortunately for me, most of them haven’t been located within my desired driving radius.

but of course, we do what we need to do for our social affections, right?

therefore, i have teetered frequently between pining for them incessantly after not seeing them often enough, to slowly becoming accustomed to the vacancy…

and that isn’t a comfort that i prefer to indulge in.

i mean, i know myself…

i get sick of seeing someone relatively quickly.

yet that doesn’t necessarily mean that my feelings for them dissipate…

and that also doesn’t mean that i need or want to constantly spend every moment with them either.

but in order for anything to survive and gain longevity, there needs to be a balance…

and too much time apart and too much time together is presently not where the equilibrium lies.

therefore, i firmly believe that consistency is a crucial factor in making any progress in the development of your relationships…

so hold me close, tiny dancer…

and then kindly get out of my face.

but only for a little while…

the quote qollector.

25 Friday May 2012

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i’m a firm believer in finding random quotes online.

no matter what kind of quotation it is, i will read it, instantly fall in love with it, somehow associate it with my own life, take a screenshot of it, and then file it away into obscurity.

however, before i add it into my little folder inconspicuously entitled ‘Quotes’, i usually share the wise excerpt with any of my many social networking websites…

because that is a sure-fire way of making certain that other people can connect with my thoughts that i didn’t actually make up.

but mostly, it allows for a slew of judgment when they think that it is about someone in particular…

especially if it is a citation referring to anything ‘love’ related.

this brings me to a passage that has been bashed and beaten to death from its relentless use in any form of communication available to human beings:

“If you love something, set it free; if it comes back, it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was.”

i used to rely whole-heartedly on this one.

it was as if every little thing i had ever believed in had been perfectly summed up into a few simple words and i was one of very few people who were in possession of it.

i would print it out and tape it onto my bedroom walls…

scribble it into my Lisa Frank notebook…

add it onto my Friendster quotes…

this was an absolute treasure chest for an amateur writer who only knew love through what she took away from teeny bopper movies!

but then i kind of grew up…

and i stopped simply reading quotes, but more so, analyzing and dissecting them.

which is when i realized that this saying made absolutely no sense whatsoever!

why in the world would i let go of something or more importantly, someone if i love them so much?

(and i don’t mean that in a crazy and psychotic lock-them-in-my-basement-and-hide-them-away-from-the-rest-of-the-world kind of love…

i mean genuine, we-don’t-have-any-life-altering-problems kind of l-o-v-e!)

if we are in actual love with one another, then i am going to fight for you every step of the fucking way…

with every single fiber of my being.

i mean, tooth and nail, blood, sweat, tears and anything else that unrealistically depicts the physical and emotional struggle that i would endure just to make sure that i don’t lose the person i am meant to be with…

who in their right fucking mind would let go of something like that, and then simply sit there and wait patiently until it returns, if it really does come back?!

because that would obviously be the only possible way to know if you’re in true love, right?

fucking bullshit!

like with most elements in our lives, relationships take work…

A LOT OF HARD WORK.

and if the person you are in it with would rather merely give up instead of trying to follow it through, then maybe this notation does contain some useful advice:

by all means, SET THEM FREE!

the somber saga.

04 Friday May 2012

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can we all just stop being sad, please?

can we make it a thing to not be unhappy or down or depressed or blue?

pretty fucking please?!

obviously, i am not one to talk.

i mean, i wake up most mornings in such a nasty funk and for some reason, i allow that attitude to walk out of the front door with me…

when in reality, i just want to slam the son of a bitch in between the hinges!

but like most people who are not built like robots, i just cannot shake it off as easily as i would dote on.

and oddly enough, i don’t even have a legitimate reason to be so cheerless!

regardless, it still happens…

and i need that shit to stop.

fortunately, i have not been diagnosed with some sort of chemical imbalance in which case all of this “stuck-in-a-rut-boo-hoo-wahhhh” would make sense…

so it should be fairly easy for me to nip that bitch in the bud.

and that is exactly what i am seeking out to do!

i am going to stop getting so caught up on situations that do not necessitate my gloominess…

and honestly, so should you, my low-spirited and melancholy friend(s).

so what if that person you had been crushing on incessantly doesn’t feel the same way?

so what if your boss cannot see what an amazing asset you are to the team?

so what if your barista added two pumps of caramel instead of three?

so what if you gained five pounds on your silly diet regimen?

SO. FUCKING. WHAT?!

unless you are in dire need of a transplant that is going to save your life…

or somebody that you loved and adored just passed away…

you have zero reason to not enjoy every fucking second of every goddamn day!

we are all fully capable of crying over that cliché cup of spilt milk, but wouldn’t it be so much more relaxing on our pretty little eyes if we simply picked up a paper towel and just wiped it up instead?

so let’s stop our fucking bitching, and merely smile!

because as i read on a science blog long ago, “smiling is contagious”…

or something super cutesy like that.

the huffington post post.

10 Tuesday Apr 2012

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i was recently approached by a writer for the “Huffington Post” who had been introduced to my website…

she contacted me to get my thoughts on the Bravo television show, the Shahs of Sunset.

what i assumed was going to be a meeting in which she would quote my thoughts into an article she was writing, turned out to be an interview in which she asked me to write an article for their online publication!

she mentioned how there are already numerous Iranian-American’s writing blogs about the Shahs of Sunset for the “Huffington Post” in which they are doing nothing more than bashing the show and remarking on what an embarrassment it is, to which i immediately concurred…

but she went on to say that after she visited my website, she wanted to see if i would be willing to write about a particular topic instead of just the show in general.

she stated, “You are obviously very opinionated, and after looking at your website, I think that you would be able to write about something stronger and more compelling than what everyone else is already saying. I think that you would make more of an impact… Would you be willing to write an article for us on the topic of Interfaith Relationships?”

and of course, i promptly agreed.

i am currently being featured on the front page of the “Huffington Post – Los Angeles” page and you can locate my article “The Disbelief in Our Beliefs” by clicking on the following link:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shekardaneh-barkhordar/interfaith-relationships_b_1415434.html

it looks like my birthday wish is already coming true…

five more days and counting!