the abbrv.

31 Tuesday Jul 2012

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the human race has become lazy!

L-A-Z-Y, lazy.

we no longer want to embark on anything that could potentially take us longer than two minutes…

and i’m not quite certain if that has to do with our being too busy, or if we have simply lost all patience.

regardless of the reasoning, the verifiable truth remains that the majority of us are basically roaming through our lives absolutely comatose and careless…

and i solely blame the texting generation for this.

with the superfluity of abbreviations and acronyms devised to make texting conversations accelerated and effortless, we have lost the true essence and invariable nature of language…

and furthermore, we have managed to replace proper emotions with “emoji’s” and “symbols” produced to conveniently mirror the expressions on our faces.

not to conclude that i am above this handy lifestyle, because to be honest, i will emoji-fuck the shit out of anyone with an iPhone all day and LOL my AO all the way to the Apple Store…

but when i receive a text message, and the word ‘you’ has been shortened to “u”, i begin to question the faith of humankind and the inevitable loss of dialect.

i mean, seriously?!

you abbreviated a three-letter word!

is there anything more half-hearted than seemingly not having the time to type in two extra letters, which by the way, are all directly next to one another on any given keyboard?!

one can only conclude that this person was in the middle of something severely urgent and grandeur which resulted in their having only the slightest few and precious moments to respond, and thus, could not be bothered to write out a whole three-letter word…

that appears to be the only plausible explanation for such a preposterous act.

have we all just become perfunctory usageasters who have been forced to adapt to the death of whole words and full sentences?

and worst of all, who the hell was responsible for slaughtering our gorgeous grammar and pulchritudinous punctuation?

ugh.

idk…

gtg.

ttyl…

the damsel in stress.

17 Tuesday Jul 2012

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i am at my most vulnerable when the “check engine” light comes on in my car.

i suddenly feel the urge to call up every guy i know and ask if they can telepathically tell me what is wrong with my vehicle…

and even though it almost always means that it’s time for my oil change, it’s kind of comforting knowing that i can pull out my girly card and become the damsel in distress.

being a girl has some perks…

sometimes.

sure, we get the shitty part of the gender deal what with all of the periods and cramps and birthing bits that we have to tolerate…

but for the most part, i don’t think i would choose being male over female.

and let’s be realistic here, nowadays you most certainly have that as an option…

nonetheless, there are a number of things that frustrate me about the assumptions that guys make about girls:

  • do not presume that simply because i am moody or have an angry disposition, that it is “that time of the month”…

there are millions of other factors that could be the cause of that, and maybe, just maybe, one of them is that moronic fucking statement that boys love to so easily blame it on.

  • just because i am fully capable of opening the car door for myself, it doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t be a nice gesture if you went out of your way to do it for me instead…

who in the fuck killed chivalry and why didn’t anybody try to revive it?

  • do not presume that all girls are whores who are looking to hook up with any guy that gives them the teensiest bit of attention…

being flirty and being friendly are actually two different things, so when we’re just being polite, it’s probably best that you don’t think we’re just being prostitutes.

  • just because i am coming to you with a problem, it doesn’t necessarily mean that i need you to solve it…

sometimes, it’s just nice to have someone to vent to that will simply listen and be mute.

naturally, this list can overflow as could the ‘what girls do to irk guys’ one, but i’m sure those topics have also been exhausted ad nauseam.

needless to say, i may not always need a hero…

but i wouldn’t mind having someone to save the day, once in a while.

the love game.

27 Wednesday Jun 2012

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couples who break up and then get back together several times during their ill-fated relationship:

i’m not very fond of people like you.

i see this occurring way too often…

one week you’re in a relationship and everything is jelly beans and joy…

and then the following week it’s just brussels sprouts and bad news.

and it continues to be so during their marathon on-and-off courtship!

unless drama is the only thing that is striving in your relationship, this kind of behavior is highly disastrous and exceedingly unhealthy.

so, what gives?

what is the point in tirelessly trying over and over again?

for the most part, there is an obvious reason why two people break up…

something just doesn’t seem to be working and no matter how many times you attempt it, it simply isn’t in your destiny to continue being with one another.

but for a number of absurd rationales, some couples just cannot grasp this seemingly simple concept…

and this could ultimately lead to a heart-break beyond repair.

i don’t believe in “going back to an ex”…

i have never allowed this to become an option for me.

mostly because i am wise enough to realize that certain problems will not disappear merely because we want them to…

and as much as we hope and pray that we can work through them, if it wasn’t resolved during the time we were together, then the possibility of it being perfected if we were to give it another go, is pretty close to nonexistent.

of course letting go of someone is never going to be an easy feat, but the longer you procrastinate in doing so, the more difficult it will be to break this defective habit…

as The Stylistics so eloquently put it:

“Break up to make up, that’s all we do.
First you love me, then you hate me…
That’s a game for fools.”

fool me once, shame on you…

fool me twice?

well, that will never happen.

the absent amore.

06 Wednesday Jun 2012

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i don’t habitually miss people…

it’s not something that i do on purpose, but it just doesn’t seem to be a piece of the dominant emotions located within my limbic system.

this is why i have a ponderous time believing that absence factually makes the heart grow fonder…

because it seems to fully contradict the whole “out of sight, out of mind” phrase that we have all grown to regurgitate after every single break up that we endure.

so does the lack of something really increase your craving for it?

or does that distance simply make you care less?

i have had my fair share of “liaisons”…

and unfortunately for me, most of them haven’t been located within my desired driving radius.

but of course, we do what we need to do for our social affections, right?

therefore, i have teetered frequently between pining for them incessantly after not seeing them often enough, to slowly becoming accustomed to the vacancy…

and that isn’t a comfort that i prefer to indulge in.

i mean, i know myself…

i get sick of seeing someone relatively quickly.

yet that doesn’t necessarily mean that my feelings for them dissipate…

and that also doesn’t mean that i need or want to constantly spend every moment with them either.

but in order for anything to survive and gain longevity, there needs to be a balance…

and too much time apart and too much time together is presently not where the equilibrium lies.

therefore, i firmly believe that consistency is a crucial factor in making any progress in the development of your relationships…

so hold me close, tiny dancer…

and then kindly get out of my face.

but only for a little while…

the quote qollector.

25 Friday May 2012

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i’m a firm believer in finding random quotes online.

no matter what kind of quotation it is, i will read it, instantly fall in love with it, somehow associate it with my own life, take a screenshot of it, and then file it away into obscurity.

however, before i add it into my little folder inconspicuously entitled ‘Quotes’, i usually share the wise excerpt with any of my many social networking websites…

because that is a sure-fire way of making certain that other people can connect with my thoughts that i didn’t actually make up.

but mostly, it allows for a slew of judgment when they think that it is about someone in particular…

especially if it is a citation referring to anything ‘love’ related.

this brings me to a passage that has been bashed and beaten to death from its relentless use in any form of communication available to human beings:

“If you love something, set it free; if it comes back, it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was.”

i used to rely whole-heartedly on this one.

it was as if every little thing i had ever believed in had been perfectly summed up into a few simple words and i was one of very few people who were in possession of it.

i would print it out and tape it onto my bedroom walls…

scribble it into my Lisa Frank notebook…

add it onto my Friendster quotes…

this was an absolute treasure chest for an amateur writer who only knew love through what she took away from teeny bopper movies!

but then i kind of grew up…

and i stopped simply reading quotes, but more so, analyzing and dissecting them.

which is when i realized that this saying made absolutely no sense whatsoever!

why in the world would i let go of something or more importantly, someone if i love them so much?

(and i don’t mean that in a crazy and psychotic lock-them-in-my-basement-and-hide-them-away-from-the-rest-of-the-world kind of love…

i mean genuine, we-don’t-have-any-life-altering-problems kind of l-o-v-e!)

if we are in actual love with one another, then i am going to fight for you every step of the fucking way…

with every single fiber of my being.

i mean, tooth and nail, blood, sweat, tears and anything else that unrealistically depicts the physical and emotional struggle that i would endure just to make sure that i don’t lose the person i am meant to be with…

who in their right fucking mind would let go of something like that, and then simply sit there and wait patiently until it returns, if it really does come back?!

because that would obviously be the only possible way to know if you’re in true love, right?

fucking bullshit!

like with most elements in our lives, relationships take work…

A LOT OF HARD WORK.

and if the person you are in it with would rather merely give up instead of trying to follow it through, then maybe this notation does contain some useful advice:

by all means, SET THEM FREE!

the somber saga.

04 Friday May 2012

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can we all just stop being sad, please?

can we make it a thing to not be unhappy or down or depressed or blue?

pretty fucking please?!

obviously, i am not one to talk.

i mean, i wake up most mornings in such a nasty funk and for some reason, i allow that attitude to walk out of the front door with me…

when in reality, i just want to slam the son of a bitch in between the hinges!

but like most people who are not built like robots, i just cannot shake it off as easily as i would dote on.

and oddly enough, i don’t even have a legitimate reason to be so cheerless!

regardless, it still happens…

and i need that shit to stop.

fortunately, i have not been diagnosed with some sort of chemical imbalance in which case all of this “stuck-in-a-rut-boo-hoo-wahhhh” would make sense…

so it should be fairly easy for me to nip that bitch in the bud.

and that is exactly what i am seeking out to do!

i am going to stop getting so caught up on situations that do not necessitate my gloominess…

and honestly, so should you, my low-spirited and melancholy friend(s).

so what if that person you had been crushing on incessantly doesn’t feel the same way?

so what if your boss cannot see what an amazing asset you are to the team?

so what if your barista added two pumps of caramel instead of three?

so what if you gained five pounds on your silly diet regimen?

SO. FUCKING. WHAT?!

unless you are in dire need of a transplant that is going to save your life…

or somebody that you loved and adored just passed away…

you have zero reason to not enjoy every fucking second of every goddamn day!

we are all fully capable of crying over that cliché cup of spilt milk, but wouldn’t it be so much more relaxing on our pretty little eyes if we simply picked up a paper towel and just wiped it up instead?

so let’s stop our fucking bitching, and merely smile!

because as i read on a science blog long ago, “smiling is contagious”…

or something super cutesy like that.

the huffington post post.

10 Tuesday Apr 2012

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i was recently approached by a writer for the “Huffington Post” who had been introduced to my website…

she contacted me to get my thoughts on the Bravo television show, the Shahs of Sunset.

what i assumed was going to be a meeting in which she would quote my thoughts into an article she was writing, turned out to be an interview in which she asked me to write an article for their online publication!

she mentioned how there are already numerous Iranian-American’s writing blogs about the Shahs of Sunset for the “Huffington Post” in which they are doing nothing more than bashing the show and remarking on what an embarrassment it is, to which i immediately concurred…

but she went on to say that after she visited my website, she wanted to see if i would be willing to write about a particular topic instead of just the show in general.

she stated, “You are obviously very opinionated, and after looking at your website, I think that you would be able to write about something stronger and more compelling than what everyone else is already saying. I think that you would make more of an impact… Would you be willing to write an article for us on the topic of Interfaith Relationships?”

and of course, i promptly agreed.

i am currently being featured on the front page of the “Huffington Post – Los Angeles” page and you can locate my article “The Disbelief in Our Beliefs” by clicking on the following link:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shekardaneh-barkhordar/interfaith-relationships_b_1415434.html

it looks like my birthday wish is already coming true…

five more days and counting!

the birthday wish.

05 Thursday Apr 2012

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on April 15th, i will be turning 28…

and as wonderful as i usually make my birthday out to be, i can’t exactly say if it is something that i am looking forward to this time around.

typically, i do a yearly recap of my previous age in order to see what i have accomplished and how i can improve the following year…

but reflecting right now doesn’t seem so appeasing.

don’t get me wrong…

i do have a lot going for me.

and i am in no way complaining about my life, because it is pretty satisfying…

but where i envisioned myself at this age is most definitely not where i am…

and being simply “satisfied” is not something that i strive to settle for.

growing up, i imagined that by my late-20’s i would be a somebody:

a somebody with a dazzling something job, living in an amazing somewhere with an incredible someone and a beautifully charming family of my own…

but i’m not there yet.

and currently looking at my calendar, i’m not even close!

(of course i also thought that i would be a renowned movie star who doubled as an insanely perfect singer…)

nonetheless, how is it that at such a young age i was so certain of where i would be…

and now that i’m actually here, i’m not?

is it safe to assume that the plans that i had when i was younger were merely a figment of my colorful imagination?

and as unsure as i sound, am i really going to be okay with it?

i am definitely not one to coincide a person’s age with whether or not they should be married…

or how long before it’s too long to have children…

and my stance on that matter has yet to change.

therefore, i believe that maybe my biggest botheration is with where i am at (or really, am not) in my desired career…

so seeing as how i get to make one truly ideal wish, i am publicly wishing to become a famous writer for a deliciously fabulous magazine.

and even though you are technically not supposed to tell people what you wished for, for fear that it won’t come true; i’m trying a few things differently in this 28th year of my life…

so happy birthday month, Shekardaneh…

and here’s to countless more.

cheers!

the dagger edged tongue.

21 Wednesday Mar 2012

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there are certain ways that i just refuse be spoken to.

i don’t give a fuck who you think you are, but there is a level of reverence that i demand and that does that not automatically make me a bitch because of it…

it makes me assertive.

it makes me self-respected.

it makes me a fucking human being.

i don’t talk down to people…

i don’t entirely see the point in it.

no matter how goddamn low someone stoops, i would rather bite my tongue till it bleeds than to take off my five-inch heels and bring myself down to their level.

of course, i am not claiming to be an angel…

i have a defiantly sharp tongue and an even quicker wit, so if someone does make the ultimate mistake of crossing that line with me, i will unequivocally cut them down to size…

but only if the situation absolutely requires it.

which fortunately (for the other party) has not been the case in quite some time…

so where do other people get off thinking that it is okay…

or even worse, acceptable to do so?!

have there not been enough instances in which situations that seemingly started out as a simple argument have gone horribly awry, and ended inexplicably frighteningly?

i mean honestly, is it that imperative to cause a scene and raise your blood pressure in order to get your point across?

when was the last time that doing that brought about a positive outcome?

therefore, we should all make a conscious effort to calm the fuck down…

to think before we open our dumb fucking mouths and say something that we will undoubtedly fucking regret…

otherwise mother fucker, I WILL END YOU!

serenity now…

the sorry apology.

07 Wednesday Mar 2012

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i have a problem with apologizing…

i use the phrase, “i’m sorry” more often than i say “hi”, and it is beginning to get progressively worse.

i have never been the kind of person who is too stubborn to admit when they are wrong, and i do not shy away from being the first to give in…

because not every damn thing needs to be a competition.

but i have noticed myself requesting forgiveness when i haven’t necessarily even done anything faulty…

and that just doesn’t seem to be fair.

as unapologetically selfish as i am, i care a great deal about the people in my life…

a heart bursting amount, actually.

which is why when i feel like something is bothering someone who i adore (even if it was not done so by me), i automatically express regret and say that i am sorry…

and it is teetering on excessive.

i mean, as genuinely and sincerely upset as i feel, i need to realize that my sadness is not always required…

and an apology isn’t constantly warranted, nor necessary.

i worry that my offering of remorse will exponentially lose its value…

but yet somehow, i cannot retract my deprecatingly innocent tongue in time.

i’m sorry, but i just can’t help it!