i’ve been thinking a lot about death recently…

and i know that that sounds insanely morbid, but it’s true.

it came about a little over a month ago…

i had a completely unwarranted panic attack while i was putting on my wrinkle cream.

well, maybe it wasn’t completely unwarranted after all…

i mean, i was using wrinkle cream.

but nonetheless, i had a moment of obscurity which then led me to fully spiral out of control…

and i became so immersed in these dark thoughts that i actually began to hyperventilate over the inevitability of dying.

i like to think of myself as a typically knowledgeable person…

i usually have an answer for everything and if i don’t, then there are endless hours of Google searches that i know i can always count on.

and while i have never really questioned the process of life, the ending of it has always plagued me with uncertainty.

i have no problem admitting that i have extreme control issues…

i need to know everything.

so not knowing exactly what the heck happens to us after we expire on earth is totally mind fucking me into oblivion…

of course there are theories on the subject at hand:

• Afterlife
• Heaven/Hell
• Nirvana
• Reincarnation/ Resurrection
• Spiritual Self

yet most of these hypotheses have been formulated by various religious groups…

and i tend to be more secular.

but even with that being said, none of these premises have been able to calm my anxieties or aid me in better understanding my unavoidable extinction…

and they can basically just be chalked up as assumptions.

and with something as vital and inescapable as mortality, the last thing i would want is to make an ass out of you and me…

well, RIP to my sanity.